Life

- In our lives most of us will invariably have to do what we all think will never happen. That's either burying a child or a parent. This is something that i've witness more than i'd like recently. In watching someone lose a parent there is something inherently scary about it. The idea of losing one of the people that gave you life. Regardless of how angry they've made you, or how many times they've disagreed with decisions you've made, they're still your parents. They're still the life givers, and the ones (for the most part) who taught us how to walk, talk, tie shoes, throw balls.

They're the ones that gave us our work ethics, the ones that showed us what sacrifice was. The ones that showed us what discipline was, how important it was to be responsible and accountable. It's amazing how much we owe to them. Yet through our travels we lose sight of these things sometimes, because we don't always get along with them, in the ways that we do with other folks that we've chosen to be in our lives.

The hole that I imagine is associated with losing a parent is something I recognize at somepoint I will have to stare in the face. The problem is that usually when we go through this with our close friends we inevitably put ourselves in their place. It's unfair to do so, but it's natural and I think most have done it. It opens your mind up to think about all the things that your parents have done for you, all the things they've gone through for you. All the things they've given you, the birthday parties, the checks for college, and care packages, the trust to allow you to drive their car. To think and ponder what it'd be like to live in this world without the ones who gave you passage. It is a cold cold lonely feeling, one of which i've only experienced visa-vi so I can't even imagine the pain and regret i'll feel when it really turns to me.

Love your folks while you can.

I have so many things in my head that I can't even properly get them out. I just know that i'm hurting, but feel bad in saying so because I know my bro is hurting 100x more than me. We must laugh, and press flesh with those that we love and not take our time with them for granted. I need to take my own advice sometimes.

I need more sleep