Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Ya'll can be judged too.

So this morning on my commute to the factory (the reason for it being called this will be made perfectly clear later on in this blog) I run into my homegirl on the blue bus. As we start our surface level early morning banter she is hit by a moment of genius and quite plainly states that our office looks way better than the other offices with which we contract. In elaborating on this fantastic piece of exclamation she comes up with the term "Average Office Hotness". I found this to not only be so incredibly on point, but what made it even more amazing was that she was saying this in all honesty. We were joking, but she was being completely honest and we have to agree with her. They call our unnamed place of employment "The Factory" because they stay pumping out fresh out of college attractive white chicks (with the exception of a few other races) but mainly you get the point. I wonder if a few of those HR kats are just zooming through Myspace pages and if they live within 50 miles of DC offer them a job. It's weird because you see an attractive young lady at your office then she disappears whether it's by her leaving, getting fired or whatever, she leaves. Then about 2 weeks later another one shows of equal or better value. It's quite simply amazing. I started thinking and I was like damn our office really is much better looking than most people's places of employment.

Ok so I've been working on a bit of criteria by which this can be measured.

#1. Older people: Unless extraordinarily bad for their age, older people do not factor into these calculations. So to clear it up, the older demographic can not hurt you but only help you.
#2. You must look beyond the superficial: Now at first everyone is going to say "this is a superficial thing how can we look beyond it" and here's why. We are at work, we all are wearing professional clothing which in most people's cases makes them look better than they normally would on your regular everyday stomp into the city. This is a way of evening (i on't know if that's correct but I'm using it) out the playing field, so the crunchy non-profits can be measuered just as easily as your big corporate law offices.
#3. Prime Demographic: You must take into account amount of younglings at a particular office and those that tend to lean a taste more to the older side of the spectrum. Basically the prime demographic we're lookin at is that 21(gotta be able to drink, that way they can become even more attractive) to about 48. Sounds a little large and taste high I know. Just think about it though, you're boss ain't that old, but he or she may be older than 40 and very well could be type fine.
#4. Sexability: Your office must have people who drip and ooze sex. I'm talking that person you pass in the hall and fantasize about them coming into your office closing the door and asking you to take them. I know it's a little Nora Roberts but you feel me. Not that your entire office needs to be that way, but a good 2 or 3 should hold you down. I think we all know the reason for that.
#5. Office size: If you got like 1000 bammas at your office they can't be measuered the same as an office of 18 ya dig. So we have to have levels of big offices, little offices, and intermediate offices that's the onliest way we'll be able to come up with something substantial.

I think that's it for right now I'll add more as I think of it.

On to the next topic: AVIAN FLU!!!!!!

After the aforementioned homegirl and I got off the Blue bus we made our way to the sidewalk wherein she manages to find a bird looking very closely to the one found --------------------->
Immediately we covered our mouths and rushed past it. Not because we thought that we might earl or no punk stuff like that but because of the dreaded (H5N1) virus AKA Avian Fluenza! Some of you may have heard of it. It's the pandemic disease you catch from birds that's sweeping it's way out of Asia and quickly churning up bodies as it heads it's way West. (as in the Americas) As we waited the 64 seconds at the corner for the light to allow us to cross the street we watched a many a passerby not heed our calls to caution. Subsequently they paid the price. The first was a young man who walks very close to the bird, actually stepping directly over it. Within 3 steps he coughed, then coughed again, by the 8th step he was caught in the midst of coughing fit. At this point he stopped walking bent down and was clutching his stomach and starts to sweat. A nice young lady who was completely oblivious to the plight befallen by the first man(due in part to the attitude held by many a DC woman) walks by and she trips and almost comes nose to nose with this dead bird who by the way was tallons up!! She jumps up in horror, he face stricken with fear, and she screams. At this point everyone has turned around and is looking, some searching frantically for what could've possibly caused this young lady to scream in this manner. Meanwhile the guy has started frothing at the mouth and is in full seizure on the ground. I still have my sleeve over my mouth and don't have the heart to go help him out, I figure he's already too far gone at this point anyway. So yeah back to the girl, as she starts to gather her things, her ipod, he stylish sunglasses and her Vera Bradley bag she starts to get the cough, and generally becomes quite crazy. She got this far and away look on her face and fell completely silent. Then she started to stagger a bit. At this point I'm thinking about just straight running through traffic. Then the light changes and we trot on over to the factory. Watch out for dead birds family, watch out.