Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I'ma Pleaser

After a long night of conversation with my mother a few weeks ago, the consensus is that I'm a "Pleaser".

That basically means, that I will do whatever I can to make others (that I love) happy even to the point of detriment. As in I'll put their wants and happiness above my own. I think for a long time I've always known this. Although recently (I guess this convo with my mother is really the catalyst) I've been feeling like this pattern of pleasing has left me with an empty feeling. On top of that, i feel as though it leaves me in a position to be taken for granted.

I've felt this way for a LONG time and until recently couldn't really understand that for all the good I feel I am, and the good I do, I place myself in a position to be taken advantage of. When people say "the good guy finishes last" this is very true. I am the perverbial good guy, for all intents and purposes. I definitely feel as though I finish last a lot. Not in love necessarily because I have an amazing person in my life that I'm getting married to next June. Just in terms of person to person stuff, I take L's and sometimes people run the score up. Strictly because I let them. I allow folks to get away with things. I have to be able to stand up and say no. I have to stand up and be strong enough to know that saying won't kill the other person, and they won't leave me if I say no. Although if they did, then maybe they weren't who i thought they were in the 1st place. So that would be a good thing actually.

On the flip side of things those that I do love, who aren't very used to hearing me say no may be taken aback and might be a little angry with me at first. I need to do this, to keep my sanity.

I hate this feeling of being let down, when in actuality I've never let anyone know how I felt or what was important to me. Or I just didn't harp on things for fear of upsetting someone. I need to get over that shit, because honestly ain't no one going anywhere and, I need to be happy.

Honestly if I'm happy everyone else will be happy. So let's see where this takes us.

So hold on people, hopefully I'll make some moves and take that next step in life.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Women & Men are different

We are different and express things differently. When ladies may look at things from an emotional standpoint, guys would do equally well with the physical.

We all need more head. You do realize Bill Clinton would've never mesesd with Monica if Hillary was floggin his flavorous flight stick. Instead she didn't handle that biz, and he found a chubtastic Cap Hill youngsta to take care of it. Bill wasn't ever trying to leave Hill, he just wanted some head.

I'm not saying that there aren't women who feel the same way because I know for sure there are. Ya'll just aren't stupid enough to get caught.

I feel like ladies physical strings are attached to their emotions, as the fellas our physical and our emotional are damn near seperate people. We can hate you, but if you're gonna let us see some titties, we're all for it. Soon as we're done though, we're right back to h8ing.

In closing, I just think that we should place ourselves in the other's position and think, what does this person need most right now. Is it, a back rub, a sandwich, some head, or a really nice sounding board for their problems. Not all of these will apply all the time, and sometimes 1 in conjunction with another will do the job superbly. So just stay on ya game and sometimes you might have to stay putting in work to make the other person happy. If it hasn't been within the last 2 weeks then it's been too long. FIX THAT

****Bonus Dae****

In other news, I had a dream my mother knew all the words to "Monkey Suite". We sang the whole shit together in her living room and then made up a DOOM dance. It was a pretty priceless dream.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Birthday's and Weddings don't mix.

Welp kiddies this past Sunday marked my 28th trip around the sun. Or is it the beginning of my 28th trip and end of my 27th trip? Anyway I spent this birthday at my boy's wedding. Now I don't know if any of you are big on your birthdays but I am. I really enjoy my birthday because I generally put other people first like 364 days a year and this is the one day where people put me first whether they feel obligated to or not, for the most part they just do. I enjoy the attention, the calls, and the presents.

I got aboslutely none of that this year. Since I was in the wedding I wasn't able to field those calls on Sunday. So I didn't get a chance to connect with my people the way I want to, and let them know that I truly appreciate hearing from them.

The wedding was long and I was pretty hot and tired of being in that tux by the end. It was great to see my boy that happy, but I felt like it came at a huge expense. The one day a year where I can be selfish and act like an ass because it's my day.

As of right now as I type this I haven't received anything, but I'm sure at somepoint I'll get something. Not that I need presents to feel important, but it would be nice to get a cookie or something. The Card I received was wonderful and heartfelt. I can't really ask for more than that in words.

We'll see what transpires in the next week ok.

In other news, we'll be again at the famed Lucky Bar to sort of celebrate my birthday. So anyone who actually reads this boring ass shit, then come and check me.

Appreciate the love and help me on this next trip around that big glowing sphere of gas.